Professor Hex: Christopher Columbus

Scholar of the Strange and Mysterious

Professor Hex
Scholar of the Strange and Mysterious

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Friday, July 21, 2006

Christopher Columbus - Douchebag

Christopher Columbus was a cruel, despotic tyrant who ruled over his subjects with an iron fist, according to new documents which have emerged 500 years after his death.

Okay, so now it's official: Columbus was an asshole. He was such a dick that even the Spanish thought he was cruel - and their cruelty is legend. And he wasn't the "first" anyway, so why does he get a holiday? So how will we replace Columbus Day?

Let's see what other exciting events happened on October 12 that we can use for a national holiday:

1773 - America's first insane asylum opens for 'Persons of Insane and Disordered Minds' in Virginia
1775 - The United States Navy is formed.
1810 - First Oktoberfest
1859 - Self-described "Emperor of the United States" Joshua A. Norton issues a decree dissolving the U.S. Congress

I'm going with the last one.

posted by Prof. Hex at 10:52 AM

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